Livro do Desassossego
"Escrevo-lhe hoje por uma necessidade sentimental - uma ânsia aflita de falar consigo. Como de aqui se depreende, eu nada tenho a dizer-lhe. Só isto - que estou hoje no fundo de uma depressão sem fundo. O absurdo da frase falará por mim.
Estou num daqueles dias em que nunca tive futuro. Há só um presente imóvel com um muro de angústia em torno. A margem de lá do rio nunca, enquanto é a de lá, é a de cá; e é esta a razão íntima de todo o meu sofrimento. Há barcos para muitos portos, mas nenhum para a vida não doer, nem há desembarque onde se esqueça. Tudo isto aconteceu há muito tempo, mas a minha mágoa é mais antiga.
Em dias da alma como hoje eu sinto bem, em toda a minha consciência do meu corpo, que sou a criança triste em quem a vida bateu. Puseram-me a um canto de onde se ouve brincar. Sinto nas mãos o brinquedo partido que me deram por uma ironia de lata. Hoje, dia catorze de Março, às nove horas e dez da noite, a minha vida sabe a valer isto.
No jardim que entrevejo pelas janelas caladas do meu sequestro, atiraram com todos os balouços para cima dos ramos de onde pendem; estão enrolados muito alto; e assim nem a ideia de mim fugido pode, na minha imaginação, ter balouços para esquecer a hora.
Pouco mais ou menos isto, mas sem estilo, é o meu estado de alma neste momento. Como à veladora do "Marinheiro" ardem-me os olhos, de ter pensado em chorar. Dói-me a vida aos poucos, a goles, por interstícios. Tudo isto está impresso em tipo muito pequeno num livro com a brochura a descoser-se.
Se eu não estivesse escrevendo a você, teria que lhe jurar que esta carta é sincera, e que as coisas de nexo histérico que aí vão saíram espontâneas do que me sinto. Mas você sentirá bem que esta tragédia irrepresentável é de uma realidade de cabide ou de chávena - chia de aqui e de agora, e passando-se na minha alma como o verde nas folhas.
Foi por isto que o Príncipe não reinou. Esta frase é inteiramente absurda. Mas neste momento sinto que as frases absurdas dão uma grande vontade de chorar.
Pode ser que, se não deitar hoje esta carta no correio amanha, relendo-a, me demore a copiá-la à máquina, para inserir frases e esgares dela no "Livro do Desassossego". Mas isso nada roubará à sinceridade com que a escrevo, nem à dolorosa inevitabilidade com que a sinto.
As últimas notícias são estas. Há também o estado de guerra com a Alemanha, mas já antes disso a dor fazia sofrer. Do outro lado da Vida, isto deve ser a legenda duma caricatura casual.
Isto não é bem a loucura, mas a loucura deve dar um abandono ao com que se sofre, um gozo astucioso dos solavancos da alma, não muito diferentes destes.
De que cor será sentir?
Milhares de abraços do seu, sempre muito seu,
FERNANDO PESSOA
P.S. - Escrevi esta carta de um jacto. Relendo-a, vejo que, decididamente, a copiarei amanhã, antes de lha mandar. Poucas vezes tenho tão completamente escrito o meu psiquismo, com todas as suas atitudes sentimentais e intelectuais, com toda a sua histero-neurastenia fundamental, com todas aquelas intersecções e esquinas na consciência de si-próprio que dele são tão características...
Você acha-me razão, não é verdade? "
(em 14 de Março de 1916)
29 Comments:
Uma coisa é certa.....tens gosto na apresentação deste teu blog.
Quanto tempo durará esta tua ideia?...até porque é preciso tempo e disposição.
gostas de fernando pessoa?
então olha esta poesia que lhe fizeram ao passar o último aniversário
Fernando morreu Pessoa.
Mas não só.
Não morreu à toa,
Como eu morrerei, sem dó.
Alberto morreu Caeiro.
Mas morreu sem agonia.
Não sei quem morreu primeiro,
Se nem Pessoa lhe acudia.
Ricardo morreu Reis.
Morreu solitariamente.
E teriam morrido os seis,
Se não fosse a morte demente.
Bernardo morreu Soares,
Morreu em paz, partiu.
E só respiraram os ares,
De quem nunca se viu.
E quantos Fernandos morreram sem serem Pessoas, a mal,
Quantas lágrimas fizeram deitar,
Quanto fizeram os outros pagar,
Quantas das lágrimas eram sal que não de Portugal.
Quantos Caeiros partiram,
Sem saberem que iam?
Quantos Pessoas zarparam
Sem saberem que ficaram?
Uma frase repetida,
Sem fôlego, sem afã
Um pensamento esquecido,
Não sei como será amanhã.1
___________________________
1- não sei como será amanhã foi a ultima coisa que Fernando pessoa disse em inglÊs.
1ºDisposição, é o que não me falta...agora o resto...vai durando...enquanto e quando der...
2º Arqueólogo...isso é de quem??Não conhecia...gosto...por acaso foste tu que escreveste????
claro que não fui eu que escrevi...achas que eu tenho jeito para escrever coisas destas?
Bem, jeito não digo...upssssssss, escapou...mas sim, serias "gajo" para escrever algo assim do genero...então é de quem??
interessante sem dúvida.....ainda por cima....conversa entre duas pessoas do mesmo local de trabalho.....
Hey anonymous isso é tudo ciúmes????O meu amigo Arqueólogo tem sempre algo intteressante para dizer.....Por isso, nem que ele estivesse mesmo aqui na minha sala, colado a mim...beijos
Viva a todos que dão vida a este Blog,eu acho formidável que se dinamize assim este espaço, independentemente de quem seja ou onde trabalhe.Continuem.
Eh pá...falou e dixxxxe...
Não sei quem és, mas gostei...é isso mesmo...vamos fazer dos comentários um espaço rico também...todos os que contribuem para isso são muito bem vindos. beijos
Ah...esquecia-me...my friend(este anonymous sei quem é)thanks,pelo "tens gosto na apresentação deste teu blog...kisskiss
"Quem te disse ao ouvido esse segredo
Que raras deusas têm escutado -
Aquele amor cheio de crença e medo
Que é verdadeiro só se é segredado?...
Quem te disse tão cedo?
Não fui eu, que te não ousei dizê-lo.
Não foi um outro, porque não sabia.
Mas quem roçou da testa teu cabelo
E te disse ao ouvido o que sentia?
Seria alguém, seria?
Ou foi só que o sonhaste e eu te o sonhei?
Foi só qualquer ciúme meu de ti
Que o supôs dito, porque o não direi,
Que o supôs feito, porque o só fingi
Em sonhos que nem sei?
Seja o que for, quem foi que levemente,
A teu ouvido vagamente atento,
Te falou desse amor em mim presente
Mas que não passa do meu pensamento
Que anseia e que não sente?
Foi um desejo que, sem corpo ou boca,
A teus ouvidos de eu sonhar-te disse
A frase eterna, imerecida e louca -
A que as deusas esperam da ledice
Com que o Olimpo se apouca."
In, Intervalo (Fernando Pessoa)
beautiful...
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